Self Help?

I'm reading a self help book...


(Which by the way, if I was helping myself I wouldn't need a book)

The main thing I need 'Self Help' for is relationships and weight...Yes I know I am very different from the rest of America...

But I do have some thoughts on the subjects

#1

Hope is the enemy to truly getting over someone. At the inner most part of ourselves we hope the life 'dream life' we should have had with that person can still exist...As long as there is 'hope' there is no hope of ever being over someone.



In this book it talks a lot about "picture this situation going perfectly" what does the picture look like? If it still you and your ex with a white picket fence and home with big windows then you are losing this battle.

When getting over one of my ex's I realized that my "perfect situation" was us together living the life we had planned...time went by and my new "perfect situation" was he would realize he were meant to be and leave the woman he was with and we would live out the life we had planned...more time passed, and new perfect situations was that he would leave his wife and be single for a while then realize I was the one he really wanted and he'd come back and we'd finally get to live the life we had planned...

Why you ask did I keep my ideal "perfect situation" with this guy who was so clearly never coming back?

Because I DIDN'T KNOW.

Every time I had talked to him, I was his friend and only that. I knew we would be horrible together in the long run, I knew I would never be able to forgive him for choosing her, I knew we weren't meant to be and I knew the life we had planned was no long even possible!

But because I refused to think about what I really wanted, I never figured out that what I knew to be true and what I, somehow, still had hope, for were SO not the same thing!

I know the time and day when my ideal 'perfect situation’ came to light...but that's another story.



But I did realize I was still holding on to that crazy plan. I, even after everything, still had hope...Ugh it pains me to admit it but somewhere deep down in the pit of my mind I was grasping this familiar life plan.

Admitting it to myself (and NO one else, because it was ridiculous) I put the hope and the knowledge in the same space and I realized that being his friend was what kept giving me hope and if I still had hope I'd never be free.



Now I am friends with lots of people I once had feeling for so trust me it can be done...But not if you have hope.



#2

We will always want the familiar.

Pain may be all we know so we go back to it. We keep going back to the crappy Chinese food buffet even though there are millions restaurants’ within walking distance...just because we've been there before we know what it's like. It's familiar.

The unknown is humanities greatest fear.

That's why we hate change.

Our lives, our relationships can suck, royally, but we stay in them, we don't move to a new city, we don't dump the jerk, we just stay with what we know!



Now according to this book we are the creators of our own lives. And can use our lives as a way of knowing what it is we like to create. So if we look at our lives and see crap...then we know that our 'Familiar' is crap.

And we will always go back to crap. Because we have dealt with crap before. We know how to handle crap. And most importantly we know we can survive crap…the unknown however…who knows if we could survive that?



If you don't want crap to be your life anymore, then change what you create.

Focus only on what's good. If you are doing something stupid and you don't know why (like hanging on to a doomed relationship) ask yourself Why?

And not in the self pitying, Why-do-I -always-do-this-to-myself kind of way.

But a ‘What 'perfect situation' am I holding on to and is it really what I want?”

Because, lets face it, if your life is crap right now then the 'perfect situation' you are clinging to is a lie.

And as the book states "You cannot feel comfortable in a lie."



#3

DON'T LIMIT YOURSELF TO ANY ONE THING

Once you figure out that the crap in your relationship is stemming from your "perfect situation" being an unobtainable, unrealistic, lie… change it.



Instead of saying "My perfect situation is that John Doe cleans up his act and comes running back to me, says he is sorry, and we get married and he never does all the things he is in the habit of doing now, ever again. We live together and everything is just as good as it was when he and I first started. So we can live happily ever after."



STOP LIMITING YOURSELF



Say this "My perfect situation is to have a husband who loves me and respects me. I deserve a man who does all he can to make my life better and I will happily do the same for him. I deserve to be loved. I am loved and respected and life is easy."

And that is the kind of thinking that gets you to happily ever after for real.



John Doe may or may not be the loving and respectful husband you deserve.

And that's ok.

If it's not him great! You will be happy with a different person.

If it is him great! You will be happy with him.

Because the life you are creating is happy.

Don't limit yourself to thinking that he (your familiar) is the ONLY one capable of giving you happily ever after... Focus on the Happy and that’s what you will create.





OK I think I have helped my 'self' enough for one night.

Let me know what you think.

Do you agree?

Do you not agree?

Focus!!

I am Having a hard time focusing lately...
I feel like I have so much on my mind and yet nothing seems to stick.
Here are the things I have going...
Foremost is I am going to Russia with ILP to help lower income children learn English. I only have a few months to get every thing together including a $2,520 program fee not to mention if I want to see any sites I have to pay with my own money...
I have to find a place to keep my stuff while I'm gone for four months and my Dog...Ans as previously noted in older post I have a lot of stuff....
I am working part rime at a Paint Store and am just getting over some rough times there things are looking WAY better than they were a month ago but still...
I am LDS and I have a calling(a responsibility I do for the church), I LOVE my calling and want to do lots with it I even have a committee! But time is short when we can all get together...
I also am single and want a social life!
I I have fundraisers for Russia in the works Thanks to some friends those are looking better...
I have Cakes this month out the Wazoo! Including a wedding cake I'm super happy to be on!
And I have a promise to keep to my Dad about stories for all his grand kids so I am writing/illustrating in all my so-called spear time...
I'm lucky I have good friends and The Ranch to come to.
 And my Super awesome family who have dome TONS to help me! Thank you every one!
I'm up north happy to see my Dad I have missed him and my brother Heath SOOO much it's not even funny!
Well I am learning that how I deal with stress is not very healthy so I need some new ideas any suggestions?

I'm Doing alright

There are people in your life you will always remember. People who you can't seem to ever truly be rid of. The Garth Brooks song "Every Now and Then" ( I do think about you)
Oh the truth...I'll never fully be rid of this particular person because while they are not in my life (we're not even facebook friends) I am always reminded of their existence. I don't talk to them, I don't even have their number anymore...but there are songs, there are faces, there are cars, there are clothes, that will forever bring them to my mind.
What might have been? There is no good answer to that let's be honest.
 People may not belong in our lives but they are there under our skin and inside our subconscious.
I have a theory that if you meet a ton of people so that everything reminds you of someone different then the person you are trying to forget will no longer be a main focus. Plus it will be less encompassing when they do pop up!
Humm...lets test this theory out...People of the world I would like to meet you!

Shopping consultent

I would love a job where I advise people on what to buy. I took my two roommates shopping and I remembered how much I miss working with girls who just want to look their best.
Guys to! I like helping people find that balance between what's hot and trendy and what's their personal style.
I like my job I likeseeing all the HOT cars that people bring in and learning about how totake care of a car...
But I miss Heath and my Dad I miss giving them fashion adviceI like finding awesome deals and saving people money~sigh~
 yep personal shopper or shopping consultant is going on the "Dream job" list!

Easter Sunday

So today is Easter, I hope everyone finds this day joyful. I am Christian everyday of the year butI know I many people who find today and Christmas to be the only time they think of our savior. So to all the Christians (even only for the day) I say:
Easter is the time when we celebrate the Attonement of Christ. The time in spring when Jesus stopped time and space to make it possible for us to live again. It is a time to be gratful to your fellow man, feel empathy for our neighbors, and Love others with the understanding that Christ paid for whatever bad things they have done.
I totally love this holiday because even with all the bunnys, peeps, and egg baskets, Christ is always at the center in my family.
Enjoy Easter.
This is how I celebrate my savior, how about you?

Why I do

So people think I'm crazy, people see me as low. I work for min wage, at dead jobs, fighting to try and stay above water a feat I have never been able to do without help.
Thank you to that help.
Sorry if you to see me the way I now know some people see me.
I want you and the rest of my readers to know that I believe in God.
And I have NEVER taken a job I haven't prayed about.
I have never lowered my standards for those jobs even when pressured or threatened to have my employment terminated.
I have met amazing people and been able to be an example of an LDS woman to people I NEVER would have met had not lived this way.
I want to be author. I am horrible speller I have grammar mistakes every other word and typos are common, I get that.
I get that I may not be whatever your ideal 'anything' but I am proud of who I am.
I will continue to grow my writing can only improve and for those of you who think its "Too late"
to you I say
God gave me a lifetime and I will use it how He wants me to.
And the only way I can know what that is, is to keep in constant contact with Him. And follow what He says whenever I have that opportunity.
That is why I do what I do.
How about you?

I have a nephew!

So in January my sister Marlo gave birth to Ruester Scott Gibbs he is growing so fast and my niece Thae is almost crawling! It's insane how fast time flys!
Well I am doing good still moving forward and have lots of things plans for the future... I won't bore you with them now but hopefully I will have lots to write about!

I got a new hair style blond streaks in a purple weave of color...figure out what that means when I look in the mirror?

Had my 25th birthday got to hang out with my sister and sister-in-law and of course the babies!
Heath is doing good in UT I hope to go visit him this up coming General Conference!
My room mates are awesome I really like living here!
Josh is doing good his friendship has helped me in ways I can't even describe. but I'll just say he has taught me a lot about myself and how much I am able to handle and my ability to be strong even when I don't want to.
My job is nice, stressful at times but for the most part I am doing good...Josh may be working with me soon...Man I hope that works out its weird to think of mixing the two halves of myself...we'll see
I've been sick and so have my roommates I feel we are just going in sickness circles! that's so not cool!
Killer the dog is doing good. I walk him more often and he loves it!
So lots has change but mostly still the same.
I have started school again I love being in a class room! I just love learning yay me!
Well I think that's about all I have to say!